Celebrate Uniqueness but Do Change for Better
It is a myth that the marital discords, at times, also occur due to the differences in the personalities, attitudes likings/disliking, habits and behaviors of husband and wife. That may be the triggers but the real root cause of the dissonance or conflicts is that one of them wants the other to change into the carbon copy of the self. This extraordinary expectation can be very heavy on the other person particularly when this demand or expectation is expressed in a forceful or condescending manner. One must understand that it is very difficult to change one’s personality, attitudes likings/disliking, habits and behaviors not only in a short period but also over long period. If the wife likes watching romantic movies or reading romantic novels and husband likes to watch action movies and action novels, it is not necessary for them to expect the other to do the same. As understanding husband and wife, they may start taking interest in each other’s likings over a period of time- that’s the best thing to happen and ideally should happen. Or it may happen that one is a very tidy person and other compromises tidiness for whatsoever reasons, one must learn to let go each other. The tidy person should compromise with other person’s untidiness and untidy person should try to become tidier gradually and also, in the process, both should help each other in making the home a tidier place. Yet, the two are unique individuals and forcing each other to become “ditto” is not the answer. The best thing will be to enjoy and celebrate the uniqueness of each other while some good changes may be taking place in both- and they must, if they love each other or want to love each other.
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